The Internet can be a good way of meeting people, but in cyberspace sometimes it’s hard to figure out what is the truth, what is a half-truth and what is far from the truth. It’s important to figure out which websites are for youth/teens, and which websites are right for meeting the kind of people you want to meet.

Look for youth-friendly sites that truly seem to be used by youth. You can tell by looking at age range, interests, education levels, music tastes and then weave all that information together to figure out if the person probably really is a teen/youth. Some websites are free, and some you have to pay for, but a lot of the paid sites require you to be over 18. Try to avoid “single and looking” generic chat rooms.

Be clear with yourself and the people you interact with about what you’re looking for: there’s a difference between dating online and hooking up online. If you’re interested in making new friends, casual dating, hooking up, or something long-term, make sure to let the people you’re meeting online know, either through your profile or while chatting. They should be clear about those things with you too. Try to be as clear and honest as possible.

Profile Tips

Choose an online screen name that has no connection to your real life. Don’t use your real name. Remember people will judge who you are and what you’re looking for based on your online name. Feeling good about yourself and being sex-positive is important, but it’s important to know that really explicit online names can attract some unwanted attention. (For example: flirtyfun@yourhost.com or seekingromance@yourhost.com gives a very different impression than hotbabe@yourhost.com or sexyyoungthang@yourhost.com).

If someone asks for your picture, or when you’re putting a picture on your profile, remember that images and videos can remain in cyberspace way longer than you might want them to. Anyone can copy and paste your photo and distribute it, so choose carefully.

The great thing about online dating is that you have the time to look through the profiles of people who contact you and choose whether or not you want to talk to them. You’re in control and it’s totally up to you whether you choose to respond.

If you’re not interested in someone, remember etiquette and turn them down politely. A simple “No thanks, I’m not interested” is usually understood and both people move on.

Meeting Someone Online

When you do find someone you’re interested in getting to know, start by just chatting without giving any personal information. When you are ready to tell them your real name and/or where you live, stick to first names only and only give out loose (not specific) information about where you live. (For example: Donna from North York is vague, while Donna Rupert from North Taylor Road is too much personal information). Be careful of anyone who asks too many details or is pushy.

If you decide to chat online, outside of the dating site, create a separate, anonymous e-mail and/ or instant messaging (IM) account for online dating. Remember that people online can be selective with the truth (that means telling only part of the truth, not the whole truth) when it comes to details about their age, their appearance, or anything else. They want you to like them and might change their details and the truth about themselves to what they think you want to hear. Don’t rely on photographs that they send you to decide whether or not you like them, because it could be an old picture or a picture of someone else completely.

After a while, if you feel comfortable, you might consider chatting using a webcam – it means that you can see who they really are and they can see you too. It gives you a chance to learn their facial expressions and chat with them in real time without the risk of meeting up in person if you’re not ready. It also saves you from the discomfort of bailing during a date if you are not interested in the person.

Save copies of your online dating conversations on your computer, just in case.

Moving Offline

It’s easy and normal to feel strongly about someone you’ve met online or to feel like you really know them after a few long conversations, but don’t rush too fast to meet them and definitely don’t let them pressure you to meet before you’re ready.

When you are ready to move offline, start with a phone call. Pay attention to the person’s voice and the way they talk before you decide if you want to meet in person.

If you decide to meet in person, do it in daylight, bring a friend along, and always meet in a very public place. Make sure you tell someone you trust where you’re going. Get to the date yourself or with a friend – by transit, bike, driving, or getting a ride from family or a friend – and make sure you always have a way to leave whenever you’re ready. Don’t leave or go home with the person you’re meeting until you’re comfortable and sure. Check in with yourself. If you do decide to go somewhere with your Internet date make sure you call someone you trust. Tell them where you are, who you are with, where you are going, and when they can expect to see you. (For example: Hi, I’m with my Internet date Kevin Phillips. Our date is going well. He and I are going to go to Dairy Queen now. I’ll be home in two hours.)

Other Tips

There are never any guarantees that a person is telling you the truth about who they are, where they live or go to school, what they do for a living, their dating or relationship status, or their STI or HIV/AIDS status. The Internet can be a great place to meet people, because you’re often judged on more than just appearance, but that also means that it’s easy to hide details about yourself. Take your time, and trust your gut instinct – if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.