My ex-partner treats me badly but wants to get back together. Should I?

Stated simply, if someone treats you badly then they are not a suitable boyfriend/girlfriend. Respect is an essential part of a good relationship and someone who does not treat you well, does not respect you. That being said, knowing that someone wants to go out with you can be very flattering. Before you enter into a relationship with an ex-partner though, try to remember why your relationship ended the first time. Has anything changed or been resolved? Was your partner physically or emotionally abusive towards you? Did they belittle your opinions or make fun of you in public? Were they controlling or manipulative?

You also might want to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who treats you badly? Sometimes people go into unhealthy relationships because they feel that they don't deserve to be treated better. They could have had experiences where other people in their life have hurt them which affected their self-esteem. Remember that you always deserve to be in a relationship where the other person respects your feelings and treats you well.

I am scared to tell my partner that I love them. What should I do?

The first time telling a partner that you love them can be pretty scary. To test out how you feel, or how your partner might react to this statement, you could do some 'trial runs'. Try expressing your appreciation and caring with specific phrases, like 'I love spending time with you', 'I always feel so comfortable around you', 'I'm so glad to be in a relationship with you'. You might be able to get a sense whether this is a good time to say 'I love you'. Pay attention to their reactions, do they seem appreciative, uncomfortable, do they pull away a little, change the subject? Saying "I love you" can be a big deal for many people and there can be a lot of meaning attached to it. It's important to ask yourself how you will feel if they don't say "I love you" back. If they don't respond with 'I love you too' right away, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care but they may not feel that strongly at the time. Also, keep in mind that people have different definitions of the word "love", and what it means to you might not be what it means to your partner.

This guy at school is flirting with me. How do I know if we're really going out?

What does 'going out' mean to you? Do things between the two of you seem like that? Paying attention to how he acts with other people might give you some clues; if he seems to only flirt with you or treat you in a special way, he might be interested. If you like him, you could ask him out to do something casual, and see how things go. It's a good idea to think about how you would respond if he says he doesn't want to go out with you. He might enjoy flirting with you but just want to be friends. "Going out" can mean different things to people so if you're still not sure, the best thing to do might be to ask him directly.

I like a guy who has a girlfriend, what should I do?

Coming between a couple can get complicated. At the same time, if you are feeling something for somebody, it can be hard to ignore. You could express your feelings to him, and tell him you're interested either face-to-face or in a letter. This can be a
difficult situation to be in if you are waiting for him to make a decision about staying with his girlfriend or going out with you. Although he might like you too, he may not be willing to break it off with his current girlfriend. Thinking ahead of time that there is a possibility that he may not be interested in going out with you can be helpful so you don't feel so hurt. It may not be the right time to be with him if he is in a relationship.

I am worried about asking this girl out. We have been friends for a long time and I am worried what might happen to our friendship.

Asking a friend out can be scary because you may not be sure how they are going to respond to you. A way to make the situation easier is to ask her to hang out with you on a one-to-one basis without making the outing sound like a date. While you're out you can get a sense of whether the feeling is mutual without changing the friendship. Sometimes it is easier to date someone if you have been friends with them first because you know them and have things in common. As long as you keep everything honest and open there is no reason why your friendship can't continue even if things on a romantic level do not work out. Things might get weird for a while as you both work through your feelings, but if you both care about maintaining the friendship, things can go back to normal.

My friends call me names like fag or gay and it doesn't make me feel very good. I don't know what to do?

Whether or not you are gay, lesbian or bisexual or straight, being called names like fag or gay can really be hurtful. No body deserves to be called names that don't make them feel good, especially by your friends. You are definitely not alone with this. A lot of times people call their friends names because they're insecure and they want to fit in. Your friends may not realize that it is upsetting you. They might think they are just joking around. If you feel like you can talk to them seriously, you could tell them that it makes you feel bad that they are calling you names.

If it is happening at school, you should tell a teacher or a guidance counsellor that you trust and feel safe with. If you are worried that the teachers at your school may not be supportive, maybe you could talk to someone else you trust like a friend that is not calling you names or a relative. It can be difficult dealing with this by yourself so calling a phone line can also be helpful. In Toronto, there is the Lesbian Gay Bi Youthline, (1 -800 -268 -YOUTH) which you could call to get support. In most cities these phone lines exist and you can look them up in your phone book under "gay or lesbian".

Many schools have policies around harassment or anti-discrimination which includes name calling and you can report it so you don't have to deal with it alone. Check out the policies that your school has. In Ontario, there is the Safe Schools Act which is aimed to help students who are called names or are targeted violently.

I've been going out with this guy for a week and he hasn't kissed me. Is this normal?

There could be lots of reasons why he hasn't kissed you and all of them are very normal. Making the first move when you've just started dating someone can be difficult. He could be nervous about kissing you because he is not sure how you feel about it. He may think it's too soon and he's waiting until it feels like it's the right time. Maybe he wants to be alone with you and have it be a more private thing. If you feel comfortable, you could always go ahead and kiss him or let him know the next time you're alone with him that you want to kiss him and see how he responds.

I want to go to a clinic and find out about birth control but my mother is really strict and won't let me go. What should I do?

Some parents do not want their kids to have sex or talk about it at all. It can be difficult if your mother is really strict because you might feel like she doesn't understand you. You might want to try talking to her about why its important for you to find out about birth control. If you have tried talking to your mother or if you know that she is not open about birth control, there are different things you can do.

• If you want to find out information about birth control, you could do a search on the internet or go to your local library or book store
• If you feel comfortable being untruthful and telling your mother you are out with a friend for instance, you could go to a clinic in your area. There are sexual health clinics that are specifically for youth and have a policy not to say anything to your parents or call your house if you don't want them to. You can look in the phone book for the closest health centre to you.
• Condoms are an accessible form of birth control and they're inexpensive or free. You can purchase them yourself or ask a friend or your partner to get them. Most clinics give them out for free.

Going against your parents wishes can be stressful but taking responsibility for yourself and using birth control is also very important.

I want to have sex with my partner but I don't know how to bring it up?

Sex can be a difficult thing to talk about with your partner. A good way to start talking about sex is to bring it up when you're not sexually active. It's less intimidating and your partner won't feel pressured if they're not into it. If the two of you are watching a movie, for example, and there is a sex scene you could use that as a conversation starter. Definitely find a place where both of you are comfortable and you can have privacy to talk. Be honest about how you feel towards your partner and what kinds of things you like doing with them sexually and non-sexually.

It's important to talk about sex with your partner because many people regret it when sex 'just happens'. If you don't talk about it, you could find yourself having sex in the heat of the moment because it was hard to stop it from happening. There is also a greater risk of getting pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted infection if you haven't discussed using birth control with your partner. With good communication, both of you can feel comfortable and have a positive first-time experience. Sometimes it seems easier to just let things happen however you could end up feeling resentful about your relationship if that's not what you both wanted.

If they say they're not interested or it's too soon for them, respect that decision. Not everyone is ready to have sex at the same time and making them feel guilty for not wanting to could hurt your relationship together. They may be interested in kissing and touching and just not having sexual intercourse. There are lots of pleasurable ways to express yourself sexually to someone without having intercourse.

My partner and I had sex last night. I didn't really want to but he told me I'd like it once it happened. It really hurt and now I'm scared to talk to him about it. What should I do?

Having sex is a decision that both people involved have to make. Even if you are in a relationship, you still have the right to consent to having sex and your partner should not make you do anything you are not comfortable with.

After having a bad sexual experience, it's normal to be scared to talk to anyone about it. It's important that you tell your partner that it hurt you and you didn't enjoy it. A reason why having sex with him hurt you could be because you didn't really want to do it. If you're tense and not feeling relaxed, your vagina or your anus can be very dry and the penis can cause friction which is painful. Sex can be pleasurable when you are relaxed and doing it because you really want to.

No matter how far you go with your partner sexually, you always have the right to say no and not go any further. If they are pressuring you that means that they don't have respect for you or your feelings. It might be a good idea to talk to a close friend or someone you trust about the experience to get some support. If your partner does not listen to you and pressures you to do things sexually that you don't want to do, this is not a healthy relationship to be in.