FAQ

Health
Is abortion dangerous?
Will the Pill make me fat?
Are there different sizes of condoms? Where can I get them?
I want to have sex for the first time, what kind of birth control should I use?
How long can sperm live for?
What side-effects does the Emergency Contraceptive Pill have?
There's a lump on my breast, what should I do?
Do girls have more pubic hair than guys?
My vagina has been really wet lately, what does that mean?
Can my hymen (cherry) be broken with a tampon?
My vagina is really itchy and has a lot of discharge coming out of it. I've never had sex before so what could it be?
I had a pap test and my doctor said it was abnormal. What does that mean?
What exactly is douching and does it really prevent pregnancy if you douche after having sex?

Relationships
My ex-partner treats me badly but wants to get back together. Should I?
I am scared to tell my partner that I love them. What should I do?
This guy at school is flirting with me. How do I know if we're really going out?
I like a guy who has a girlfriend, what should I do?
I am worried about asking this girl out. We have been friends for a long time and I am worried what might happen to our friendship.
My friends call me names like fag or gay and it doesn't make me feel very good. I don't know what to do?
I've been going out with this guy for a week and he hasn't kissed me. Is this normal?
I want to go to a clinic and find out about birth control but my mother is really strict and won't let me go. What should I do?
I want to have sex with my partner but I don't know how to bring it up?
My partner and I had sex last night. I didn't really want to but he told me I'd like it once it happened. It really hurt and now I'm scared to talk to him about it. What should I do?

Puberty
I think my vagina is really ugly, can I change it or do anything about it?
My penis gets crooked when I have an erection, is that normal?
I'm experiencing bleeding and it's not time for my period. Is that normal?
I'm 16 years old and I still don't have my period, is that normal?
Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
Is it bad to smoke pot when you're pregnant?
Am I going to get AIDS if I'm gay?
What Sexually Transmitted Infection's (STI's) can you get from oral sex?
I nicked my penis while shaving my pubic hair, does it increase my chances of Sexually Transmitted Infection's(STI's)?

How do you have sex with another girl?
There are a lot of different ways to express sexuality and intimacy when two girls have sex together, just like there are many ways for a guy and a girl to be sexually close. Two girls can have sex by fingering or masturbating each other, having oral sex, or using sex toys for example. Some other things that girls can do together include using their hands or mouths to touch and explore each other's bodies, cuddling, massage, reading erotic literature or watching erotic films, playing out fantasies, and so on. The list is as long as you make it. There is no right or wrong way to express sexuality, as long as both people feel comfortable and enjoy it.

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How many times a day is it normal to masturbate?
Some people may masturbate several times a day, others might masturbate a few times a week, others a couple times a month, and some people not at all. There is no right or wrong amount; it is different for each person. Masturbation is not harmful, in fact some people find that it actually helps them to relieve stress. It can be an important part of a person's sex life. If you find that masturbation is interfering with your day-to-day life, or if you have feelings of guilt or shame about masturbating, you could call a phone help-line or consider seeing a counsellor.

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Do girls masturbate?
Yes, some girls masturbate, just like some boys masturbate. Girls can have strong sexual urges, just like boys do.

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Do all gay guys have anal sex?
A lot of times people think that if a guy is gay he has to have anal sex. There are lots of sexual things that two guys can do together like touching, kissing, oral sex, jerking each other off, etc... Some gay guys do enjoy anal sex, just like some straight guys like having anal sex. There are also some gay guys who don't like anal sex, and prefer to do other sexual activities. It changes from person to person, and also from situation to situation. For example, someone might wait to have anal sex with another person until they feel they can trust them enough to discuss using condoms. Other people might feel comfortable having anal sex during the first sexual encounter with someone. It really depends.

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I had vaginal intercourse and I started to bleed. Why?
It is common for girls to bleed after intercourse, especially if it's their first time. When a female gets turned on, one of the changes to her body is that the muscles in the walls of the vagina relax and lubricate which makes it easy for a penis to penetrate the vagina. If the vaginal muscles do not relax and there is no lubrication a female may experience pain during intercourse. The penetration may also irritate the dry lining of the vagina and cause small tears which bleed. Some girls find they are not relaxed because they are nervous about pregnancy, for example, or anxious that they may get caught by a parent. If the bleeding was caused by tearing, then it will heal on it's own in a few days. If it's sore, it might be a good idea to avoid intercourse and inserting anything into the vagina for a few days until it heals.

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I had anal sex. I'm still sore, is that normal?
Sometimes anal sex can leave a person sore. This can happen when someone is still getting used to anal sex, or if there wasn't enough lubrication used. The rectum (inside the anus) doesn't produce it's own lubrication, so using extra lube is important. If you are sore for more than 3-4 days after you had anal sex, it might be a good idea to get it checked out by a doctor.

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My partner has a large penis, I am afraid it will hurt when we have sex .
When you feel relaxed the vaginal muscles will relax and lubricate and the penis can penetrate smoothly. Being turned on is more important in pain free sex than the size of the penis. Using extra lubrication (inserting it or putting it on the condom/penis) can also help the penis to glide in easier. The length of the vagina will always be smaller than the length of an erect penis therefore the position you have intercourse in can cause more pain than the size of the penis. Try different positions to find ones that work for you. If you are interested in having sex, you might also want to try inserting smaller things in your vagina first like fingers or sex toys so you get more comfortable.

It's important to discuss these types of concerns with your partner, especially in a situation like this. Keep in mind that there are a lot of other sexy things to do besides intercourse. You have every right to put off having sex with your partner, or not having intercourse at all. You can also stop or leave any situation that is painful or upsetting to you. If you start to have sex and you don't like it, you have the right to stop at any time.

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Are there better positions to be having sex?
There are lots of different positions to have sex. It depends of how comfortable you and your partner feel and how flexible your body is. It is a good idea to try different positions out and see what you like. Some common sexual positions can be:

• lying down
• standing up
• taking turns being on top
• doggie style (where one person is behind the other person)

You might find that you like having sex while you're on top and your partner likes having
sex standing up. You and your partner can talk about what feels good for both of you.

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What does the word orgy mean?
The word orgy means a group of people that get together for sexual pleasure. They can be sexually involved with other people or they can watch. Some examples can be a group of people masturbating together, making out and/or having sexual intercourse.

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My partner wants me to swallow his cum, should I? What does it taste like?
It is completely your choice if you want to swallow your partner's cum. If you feel pressure, you might want to talk to your partner about it. There is some risk of getting Sexually Transmitted Infections when performing oral sex on a guy and swallowing his cum. Some STI's can be transmitted from putting your mouth on a guy's genitals and other ones can be passed on through semen. If you are worried about STI's you can use a condom while giving oral sex.
As for the taste of cum, it is usually warm and can range from salty to sweet depending on the type of food that a guy eats.

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A lot of my friends have had sex and I don't know whether I should as well.
The decision to have sex is a personal one. While this may be the right time for them, it may or may not be the right time for you. To figure out if you are ready, you can ask yourself some questions:

• Do you have someone in mind with whom you want to have sex with?
• Have you thought about the possibility of pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?
• Do you feel comfortable talking to your sexual partner?
• What are your reasons for having sex? Is it because you want someone to like you, because other people are doing it, or because you feel pressured?

Many people wait to have sex. While sex can be fun, feel good, or be a way to get closer to someone, it can also have some consequences. It is a good idea to discuss concerns such as pregnancy and/or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) with a sexual partner.

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How do I know if I'm a lesbian?
Figuring out if you're a lesbian is not something that you have to decide right away. Sometimes, it can be confusing if you have feelings for a friend who is a girl.

It is different for everyone who thinks they might be a lesbian. You could have a fantasy about an actress or maybe you're really attracted to a specific girl you know. You may feel really nervous and excited when you are around them. All these feelings are normal and it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to call yourself a lesbian just because you like a girl.

Calling yourself a lesbian or identifying as a lesbian is something that only you can decide to do.

There are some people that have sexual experiences with the same sex but don't label themselves as gay or lesbian. There are also gays and lesbians that have sex with people of the opposite sex but don't consider themselves to be straight. For many girls, being a lesbian is about being attracted to another girl's personality, looks or attitude. They may think about or be in relationships with other girls where they hold their hand, go out on dates, kiss them, cuddle or have sex with them.

If you think you might be a lesbian, there are lots of things you can do. You can call a phone line like The Lesbian Gay Bi Youthline in Toronto, 1-800-962-YOUTH and speak to a peer counsellor. You can also look up names of youth groups in the phone book or in local newspapers. Many people are confused about whether they are a lesbian, bisexual or straight. For some people it can take awhile to figure it out but that's O.K.

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Do I have to have sex to be gay?
In the same way that you don't have to have sex to be straight, you do not have to have sex to be gay. Being gay is about a lot more than sex. It's about attraction, affection, love, relationships and friendships. For some people, being gay is about being part of a community, celebrating PRIDE, being able to walk down the street holding their partner's hand or just hanging out with family and friends that they care about. If you are questioning whether or not you are gay it can
sometimes feel that you won't know for sure until you have sex. Having sex does not define whether a person is gay, bisexual or straight.

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Do I have to look a certain way to be a lesbian?
Many people feel that there is a certain 'look' to lesbians. It's a stereotype that all lesbians are masculine, wear guys' clothes and have typical male jobs. However, in real life there are some lesbians that like to look more like guys and have short hair and there are also some lesbians that have long hair and wear make-up and dresses. Lesbians dress exactly the same way as girls who are straight. If you have a style that suits you and you feel comfortable in, like wearing baggy pants and t-shirts, stick to that. You don't need to look a certain way to identify as a lesbian.

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What does it mean to be a virgin?
The most common meaning for "virgin" is a person who has never experienced vaginal sex. This definition doesn't work for everyone and you can choose not to accept it for yourself. The word 'virgin' means someone who hasn't yet experienced something, and it can be used for any type of sexual activity. Virginity depends on what you think sex is. Every person, whether straight, gay, lesbian or bi-sexual, has their own definition of sex that works for them.

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What is the right age to start having sex?
There is no right age to start having sex. It really depends on when you feel comfortable and the time is right for you. Everybody has a different feeling about when that time is and when the right age is. How ready you feel emotionally and how ready your body feels will help you figure that out. If you're not sure, think about all the reasons why you feel you are ready to have sex and all the reasons why you're not. You are the best person to make that decision.

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Is it a sin to have sex before marriage?
The answer to this question will depend on who you ask. In many religions, having sex before marriage is considered to be a sin. There are many beliefs in religions and people make their own choices around whether to follow and believe them. Depending on the religion, one of these beliefs may be that a person should wait until marriage to have sex. Some people agree that it is a sin to have sex before marriage and wait until they are married to have sex. Other people may disagree and choose to have sex when they feel they are ready. Some people say that it is O.K. to have sex if you are in a monogamous relationship or if you love your partner. Other people feel that sex and love are two different things and it's alright to have sex with someone you are attracted to and not within a relationship.

Because opinions vary it may be better to decide for yourself how you feel about having sex and the role your religious beliefs have in your life.

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I had some sexual fantasies about someone older than me. Is this normal?
Many people have sexual fantasies about someone who is older than them. This is totally normal. The great thing about fantasies is that you can imagine all kinds of relationships and think about what sort of things you find attractive about people. You can also do things in your fantasies that you would never do in real life.

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What's the difference between sex and love?
There is not one answer to describe the difference between sex and love. Sex is usually looked at as an act. Many people define sex differently. It could mean having penetration in the vagina or anus with a penis or a dildo, oral sex or just touching someone else's genitals.

Love is usually looked at as a feeling. It can mean a feeling someone has when they really care about someone. It can be a friend, a lover, or a partner.

Sex and love can come together in relationships. Although many people love who they have sex with, you can be in a loving relationship with someone and not have sex with them. Sex is not the only way to express love for someone. You can also have sex with someone without loving them.

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Why do people want to have sex?
People have sex for many different reasons:

• It feels good
• They are attracted to someone's body or personality
• Curiosity
• To experiment
• It's a release of energy
• It's a way to be close to your partner
• They want to get pregnant and have a baby
• To fit in
• Peer pressure

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Is abortion dangerous?
Having an abortion is a very safe, low risk procedure and is actually ten times safer than giving birth. Abortions can be done in a hospital where they give you a general anesthetic (where you are asleep for the procedure) or in a clinic with a local anesthetic (which freezes the area so you don't feel any pain). Abortions can be performed safely and legally up to 20 weeks (5 months) in Canada. Having an abortion will not affect your chances of getting pregnant in the future, even if you have more than one. There are some low risks with having an abortion so it is important to follow the after care instructions that the doctor gives you to reduce the chance of getting an infection. In most cases the risk is very low and there is treatment available if you get an infection. Your doctor or the clinic or hospital will explain the possible risks to you before you have the abortion.

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Will the Pill make me fat?
Some girls find that they might gain a bit of weight when they first start taking the birth control pill. It's normal to have some side effects when you start taking the Pill but they usually last for just three months. Your body needs a few months to get used to the hormones from the birth control pill so gaining a few pounds is a normal side effect. Some girls find that they also lose weight or that they don't gain any weight at all. When your body is still changing and growing, it's easy for your weight to change quickly as well. There are many different kinds of birth control pills so if you find that after three months you are still experiencing side effects you can go see your doctor and talk about changing to a different pill.

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Are there different sizes of condoms? Where can I get them?
There are many different kinds of condoms you can try out. Some brands offer condoms in different sizes but generally they are all similar in size. You might want to experiment until you find one kind that fits right for you. Using water-based lubricant with latex condoms can make it easier to put it on. If you put a couple drops of lube on the inside of condom, it will go on your penis easily and can also make intercourse more pleasurable. Condoms come in lots of textures, shapes and colours - even flavours. Some are already lubricated and some are not. You can always try putting on condoms while you're alone to find one that feels good so you won't feel uncomfortable when you're with someone.

You can buy condoms at drugstores, novelty sex stores or pick them up for free at clinics or from your doctor.

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I want to have sex for the first time, what kind of birth control should I use?
If you are thinking about having sex for the first time, there are two things to think about:

• safer sex - protection from sexually transmitted infections (STI's)
• birth control - protection from getting pregnant

There are many different kinds of birth control to choose from to protect against pregnancy. Using a condom or a latex barrier is the only method that does both - protects against STI's and pregnancy. Condoms are easy to get - you can buy them at a drugstore or pick them up for free at most clinics.

Here are some things to think about when you are deciding what kind of birth control to use:

• can you talk to your partner about it?
• how much money do have to spend on birth control?
• does it have to be discreet so no one will know about it
• do you or your partner feel comfortable going to a doctor to get a prescription?
• would you or your partner feel comfortable using a kind of birth control like a diaphragm or cervical cap that has to be put in the vagina before sex?

If you are having intercourse with someone of the opposite sex, then you need to think about protection from pregnancy. Whether you are having sex with a girl or a guy it is important to protect against STI's.

It seems like a lot to think about but it's a good idea to look at all the options and potential risks so sex can be a safe and enjoyable experience for you.

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How long can sperm live for?
If a guy ejaculates directly in a girl's vagina, his sperm can travel up the vagina, through the cervix (which is the opening to the uterus) and eventually into the uterus. It can live in the vagina for 6 - 8 hours and in the uterus for about three to five days. That means a girl still has a chance of getting pregnant up to five days before she ovulates or releases an egg from her ovary. For example, if a guy and a girl had sexual intercourse on Monday and the girl was not supposed to ovulate until Friday, an egg could still be fertilized by the sperm. If a guy ejaculates outside the vagina, the sperm usually dies after a few minutes.

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What side-effects does the Emergency Contraceptive Pill have?
The Emergency Contraceptive Pill (ECP) (Used to be known as the Morning After Pill) can be great to use if you had intercourse and didn't use birth control or the birth control method you used didn't work. There are some side effects that go along with it.

• You might get an upset stomach and throw up. If you throw up within an hour of taking a set of pills, call your doctor or clinic because you may need to take another set of pills. It is usually recommended that you take a Gravol tablet around 30 minutes before you take the second set of pills and have something to eat as well.
• You might bleed a bit after taking the ECP but this may not be your period. The ECP may make your period come earlier or later than usual.
• You may also have diarrhea or cramps.

All these side effects are normal. If you are worried about any of the side effects, you can always call your doctor or the clinic to check with them.

There is a new type of ECP out called Plan B. It has fewer side effects but costs more. If you are interested in knowing more about it, you can talk to your doctor or call a clinic in your area.

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There's a lump on my breast, what should I do?
Lots of girls find lumps on their breasts, especially when their breasts are still growing. The majority of lumps found on breasts at any age are harmless. Sometimes, girls can develop small fluid-containing sacs around the time of their period. They can be found around the armpit and will probably disappear in a few days. If you have a lump on your breast that becomes bigger or doesn't go away after a few days, you should go see your doctor about it. Although breast cancer can be a concern for a lot of women, it is rare for teenage girls to have it.

The best way to check for lumps is to do monthly Breast Self Examinations. It will help you get to know how your breasts feel normally so you can tell if anything is abnormal.

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Do girls have more pubic hair than guys?
Whether you're a guy or a girl, the amount of pubic hair you have could be different. Pubic hair can start to grow at different times and can look different on everyone. Just like how everyone has different hair on their head, pubic hair is the same. It can be thin or thick, straight or curly, blond, brown, black or red. Sometimes, because girls might start to develop pubic hair a bit earlier than guys the same age as them, it can look like girls have more but eventually guys have just as much as girls do.

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My vagina has been really wet lately, what does that mean?
There are lots of reasons your vagina could be wet. Most girl's vaginas produce natural lubrication or fluid. Many girls get extra wet around the time of ovulation (when her ovary releases an egg). Your vagina could be producing more lubrication when you're turned on or horny too. A girl's vagina produces this fluid to keep the vagina clean from bacteria. Sometimes it means that your period could be coming soon if you have never had a period before.

If being really wet is new for you, it can take some time to get used to. Normal vaginal discharge is wet, clear or milky white in colour and it shouldn't be itchy or irritating. If it has a different colour or smells different than ususal it could be a yeast infection or an STI so you may want to check with your doctor or go to a clinic. Having a wet vagina is something that almost every girl has to deal with it. You can always talk to your doctor if you're concerned.

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Can my hymen (cherry) be broken with a tampon?
Hymens are a thin piece of skin that partially covers the vaginal opening. Most girls are born with them and they can be torn or stretched from many things. It is completely normal for a hymen to tear when a girl is young. Using a tampon can be one way that the hymen can break. It can also tear from riding a bicycle, playing sports or having something in your vagina like a finger, penis or sex toy.

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My vagina is really itchy and has a lot of discharge coming out of it. I've never had sex before so what could it be?
There are some infections that girls can get that are not passed on by having sex. What you have could be a yeast infection (which can also be passed through sexual activity) or something called Gardnerella which is very common. Every girl has a natural amount of yeast or bacteria in her vagina. Sometimes the yeast or bacteria can grow and cause itching, pain or a thick white or grey discharge from your vagina. Sometimes it can smell like fish too. These kinds of infections can be uncomfortable but they are not harmful. If the symptoms are bothering you, you can see a doctor and get cream or tablets to treat the infection. You can also get capsules full of yogurt at a health food store and insert into your vagina. Yeast infections can be caused by stress, eating a lot of foods with sugar or chocolate, taking antibiotics, taking the birth control pill, or pregnancy.

Here are some tips to prevent getting a yeast infection or Gardnerella:

• Always wipe yourself from front to back after going to the bathroom.
• Avoid using deodorant tampons or pads, perfumed soaps, bath oils or feminine hygiene sprays.
• Wear cotton underwear during the day. Avoid wearing underwear when you sleep.
• Wear loose fitting pants.
• Avoid douching.
• Change out of your wet bathing suit or sweaty exercise clothes as soon as possible.
• Eat less sugar, chocolate and artificial sweeteners.

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I had a pap test and my doctor said it was abnormal. What does that mean?
If your pap test was abnormal what it means is that there was a slight change in the cells of your cervix. This is usually nothing to worry about. It may be because the pap test was done near the time when you had your period or near the time when you last had vaginal sex. Douching or having a yeast infection can also cause an abnormal pap test. If your pap test is abnormal, you may be asked to have another pap test in 6 months. A pap test may show abnormal cell growth that is called "dysplasia". Dysplasia means that there is a change in the cells of your cervix that in the future might become cancer if they are not treated. If you are having sexual intercourse, have a pap test once a year to check for abnormal cells on the cervix.

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What exactly is douching and does it really prevent pregnancy if you douche after having sex?
Douching usually means rinsing the vagina with water and/or a special solution using a bottle with a nozzle. In the past, women were told that douching right after sex could prevent pregnancy but this is not actually true. Women were also told to douche to treat vaginal infections, wash away vaginal fluids and to get rid of any odours.

Douching does not prevent pregnancy and flushing a liquid into the vagina may in fact force sperm into the uterus and increase the possibility of getting pregnant.

A disadvantages to douching is that it can wash away the normal bacteria in the vagina which can leave you open to or help the spread of infections into the uterus and fallopian tubes.

You can clean your vagina by washing your vulva gently with warm water and mild soap.

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My ex-partner treats me badly but wants to get back together. Should I?
Stated simply, if someone treats you badly then they are not a suitable boyfriend/girlfriend. Respect is an essential part of a good relationship and someone who does not treat you well, does not respect you. That being said, knowing that someone wants to go out with you can be very flattering. Before you enter into a relationship with an ex-partner though, try to remember why your relationship ended the first time. Has anything changed or been resolved? Was your partner physically or emotionally abusive towards you? Did they belittle your opinions or make fun of you in public? Were they controlling or manipulative?

You also might want to ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who treats you badly? Sometimes people go into unhealthy relationships because they feel that they don't deserve to be treated better. They could have had experiences where other people in their life have hurt them which affected their self-esteem. Remember that you always deserve to be in a relationship where the other person respects your feelings and treats you well.

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I am scared to tell my partner that I love them. What should I do?
The first time telling a partner that you love them can be pretty scary. To test out how you feel, or how your partner might react to this statement, you could do some 'trial runs'. Try expressing your appreciation and caring with specific phrases, like 'I love spending time with you', 'I always feel so comfortable around you', 'I'm so glad to be in a relationship with you'. You might be able to get a sense whether this is a good time to say 'I love you'. Pay attention to their reactions, do they seem appreciative, uncomfortable, do they pull away a little, change the subject? Saying "I love you" can be a big deal for many people and there can be a lot of meaning attached to it. It's important to ask yourself how you will feel if they don't say "I love you" back. If they don't respond with 'I love you too' right away, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care but they may not feel that strongly at the time. Also, keep in mind that people have different definitions of the word "love", and what it means to you might not be what it means to your partner.

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This guy at school is flirting with me. How do I know if we're really going out?
What does 'going out' mean to you? Do things between the two of you seem like that? Paying attention to how he acts with other people might give you some clues; if he seems to only flirt with you or treat you in a special way, he might be interested. If you like him, you could ask him out to do something casual, and see how things go. It's a good idea to think about how you would respond if he says he doesn't want to go out with you. He might enjoy flirting with you but just want to be friends. "Going out" can mean different things to people so if you're still not sure, the best thing to do might be to ask him directly.

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I like a guy who has a girlfriend, what should I do?
Coming between a couple can get complicated. At the same time, if you are feeling something for somebody, it can be hard to ignore. You could express your feelings to him, and tell him you're interested either face-to-face or in a letter. This can be a difficult situation to be in if you are waiting for him to make a decision about staying with his girlfriend or going out with you. Although he might like you too, he may not be willing to break it off with his current girlfriend. Thinking ahead of time that there is a possibility that he may not be interested in going out with you can be helpful so you don't feel so hurt. It may not be the right time to be with him if he is in a relationship.

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I am worried about asking this girl out. We have been friends for a long time and I am worried what might happen to our friendship.
Asking a friend out can be scary because you may not be sure how they are going to respond to you. A way to make the situation easier is to ask her to hang out with you on a one-to-one basis without making the outing sound like a date. While you're out you can get a sense of whether the feeling is mutual without changing the friendship. Sometimes it is easier to date someone if you have been friends with them first because you know them and have things in common. As long as you keep everything honest and open there is no reason why your friendship can't continue even if things on a romantic level do not work out. Things might get weird for a while as you both work through your feelings, but if you both care about maintaining the friendship, things can go back to normal.

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My friends call me names like fag or gay and it doesn't make me feel very good. I don't know what to do?
Whether or not you are gay, lesbian or bisexual or straight, being called names like fag or gay can really be hurtful. No body deserves to be called names that don't make them feel good, especially by your friends. You are definitely not alone with this. A lot of times people call their friends names because they're insecure and they want to fit in. Your friends may not realize that it is upsetting you. They might think they are just joking around. If you feel like you can talk to them seriously, you could tell them that it makes you feel bad that they are calling you names.

If it is happening at school, you should tell a teacher or a guidance counsellor that you trust and feel safe with. If you are worried that the teachers at your school may not be supportive, maybe you could talk to someone else you trust like a friend that is not calling you names or a relative. It can be difficult dealing with this by yourself so calling a phone line can also be helpful. In Toronto, there is the Lesbian Gay Bi Youthline, (1-800-268-YOUTH) which you could call to get support. In most cities these phone lines exist and you can look them up in your phone book under "gay or lesbian".

Many schools have policies around harassment or anti-discrimination which includes name calling and you can report it so you don't have to deal with it alone. Check out the policies that your school has. In Ontario, there is the Safe Schools Act which is aimed to help students who are called names or are targeted violently.

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I've been going out with this guy for a week and he hasn't kissed me. Is this normal?
There could be lots of reasons why he hasn't kissed you and all of them are very normal. Making the first move when you've just started dating someone can be difficult. He could be nervous about kissing you because he is not sure how you feel about it. He may think it's too soon and he's waiting until it feels like it's the right time. Maybe he wants to be alone with you and have it be a more private thing. If you feel comfortable, you could always go ahead and kiss him or let him know the next time you're alone with him that you want to kiss him and see how he responds.

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I want to go to a clinic and find out about birth control but my parents are really strict and won't let me go. What should I do?
Some parents do not want their kids to have sex or talk about it at all. It can be difficult if your parents are really strict because you might feel like she doesn't understand you. You might want to try talking to her about why its important for you to find out about birth control. If you have tried talking to your mother or if you know that she is not open about birth control, there are different things you can do.

• If you want to find out information about birth control, you could do a search on the internet or go to your local library or book store
• If you feel comfortable being untruthful and telling your mother you are out with a friend for instance, you could go to a clinic in your area. There are sexual health clinics that are specifically for youth and have a policy not to say anything to your parents or call your house if you don't want them to. You can look in the phone book for the closest health centre to you.
• Condoms are an accessible form of birth control and they're inexpensive or free. You can purchase them yourself or ask a friend or your partner to get them. Most clinics give them out for free.
  Going against your parents wishes can be stressful but taking responsibility for yourself and using birth control is also very important.

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I want to have sex with my partner but I don't know how to bring it up?
Sex can be a difficult thing to talk about with your partner. A good way to start talking about sex is to bring it up when you're not sexually active. It's less intimidating and your partner won't feel pressured if they're not into it. If the two of you are watching a movie, for example, and there is a sex scene you could use that as a conversation starter. Definitely find a place where both of you are comfortable and you can have privacy to talk. Be honest about how you feel towards your partner and what kinds of things you like doing with them sexually and non-sexually.

It's important to talk about sex with your partner because many people regret it when sex 'just happens'. If you don't talk about it, you could find yourself having sex in the heat of the moment because it was hard to stop it from happening. There is also a greater risk of getting pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted infection if you haven't discussed using birth control with your partner. With good communication, both of you can feel comfortable and have a positive first-time experience. Sometimes it seems easier to just let things happen however you could end up feeling resentful about your relationship if that's not what you both wanted.

If they say they're not interested or it's too soon for them, respect that decision. Not everyone is ready to have sex at the same time and making them feel guilty for not wanting to could hurt your relationship together. They may be interested in kissing and touching and just not having sexual intercourse. There are lots of pleasurable ways to express yourself sexually to someone without having intercourse.

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My partner and I had sex last night. I didn't really want to but he told me I'd like it once it happened. It really hurt and now I'm scared to talk to him about it. What should I do?
Having sex is a decision that both people involved have to make. Even if you are in a relationship, you still have the right to consent to having sex and your partner should not make you do anything you are not comfortable with.

After having a bad sexual experience, it's normal to be scared to talk to anyone about it. It's important that you tell your partner that it hurt you and you didn't enjoy it. A reason why having sex with him hurt you could be because you didn't really want to do it. If you're tense and not feeling relaxed, your vagina or your anus can be very dry and the penis can cause friction which is painful. Sex can be pleasurable when you are relaxed and doing it because you really want to.
No matter how far you go with your partner sexually, you always have the right to say no and not go any further. If they are pressuring you that means that they don't have respect for you or your feelings. It might be a good idea to talk to a close friend or someone you trust about the experience to get some support. If your partner does not listen to you and pressures you to do things sexually that you don't want to do, this is not a healthy relationship to be in.

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I think my vagina is really ugly, can I change it or do anything about it?
Many young women are curious about how their vagina looks. Because vaginas are inside the body, it's hard to get an idea of what a normal vagina should look like. Some girls may not like the way their vaginas or vulvas appear and some girls find vaginas to be beautiful.

A lot of changes can happen to your vagina while going through puberty or even after puberty. It can change colour, shape and size while it is growing and when you start getting pubic hair. It's important to know that there is no set look for a vagina. It might help to get a mirror and look at it and touch it. Many girls may not like their vagina because they are not encouraged to touch it or because it is generally hidden.

There are books available at women's bookstores or libraries that show pictures of different vaginas and vulvas. Seeing different of vaginas will let you see the differences and similarities among other young women.

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My penis gets crooked when I have an erection, is that normal?
Like other parts of the body, for example, noses, penises come in all different shapes and sizes. Some penises are longer, some are shorter, some are broader, some are narrower, some curve to the left or the right and some look like they are crooked. Penises can also vary when they are erect or hard. They might change shape and get much bigger than when they are flaccid or soft or they may stay around the same size. The word erection doesn't mean that your penis has to be perfectly straight, it just means that there is more blood flowing into your penis when you are aroused.

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I'm experiencing bleeding and it's not time for my period. Is that normal?
Sometimes girls can experience some bleeding when it's not time for their period. It is usually called "spotting" or "breakthrough bleeding". It can be caused by a number of different things:

• If you are stressed out or if you are sick your period can come at a different time or you could have some spotting
• If you change your eating habits or exercise habits
• Taking the Birth Control Pill can also cause spotting if a pill is missed
  There are many things that can change your period or your menstrual cycle. Most of them are harmless. If you are experiencing any abdominal or lower back pain, or are bleeding more than usual, you should go see a doctor to get checked out.

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I'm 16 years old and I still don't have my period, is that normal?
Some girls don't get their period until they are 16 or 17 years old. If you are athletic and
muscular or if you have a low body weight you might not be getting your period. Your body fat needs to be about one quarter of your body weight for menstruation to begin. You might want to ask your mother or aunts when they got their period because they might have been 16 or 17 years old. There can also be certain medical conditions that delay getting a period. If you are concerned about it, you can always talk to a doctor or go to a clinic in your area.

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Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex?
Yes, you can get pregnant the first time you have sex. You are able to get pregnant when you start having your period or even before. There is a greater likelihood of becoming pregnant if you have unprotected sex around the time in your cycle that you ovulate. This means there will be an egg waiting to be fertilized by your partner's sperm that could result in you getting pregnant.

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Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
No, you cannot get pregnant from anal sex. If a guy ejaculates inside the anus, it will not result in pregnancy because sperm cannot travel into the uterus from the anus. However, if a guy ejaculates outside the anus and semen gets near enough to the vaginal opening, it could enter the vagina and there could be a chance of pregnancy. Wearing a condom during anal sex will reduce the chance of a pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections as well.

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Am I going to get AIDS if I'm gay?
It's a big stereotype that if you're gay you're going to get AIDS. People who are gay are just as much at risk as people who are straight. There are certain sexual activities that can be high risk for transmitting HIV (the virus that causes AIDS):

• Anal sex,
• Vaginal sex
• Sharing sex toys
  

Some gay men as well as some straight men and women have anal sex which can be a high risk activity. By using a condom, you can protect yourself from HIV and other STI's.

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What Sexually Transmitted Infection's (STI's) can you get from oral sex?
The STI's you can get from oral sex are:

• Chlamydia
• Gonorrhea
• Herpes
• Hepatitis B
• Syphilis
• HPV and there is a low risk of HIV

These viruses or infections can be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals or from the genitals to the mouth. To protect yourself, you can use a barrier method like a dental dam or a condom. If you don't like the taste of latex you can try flavoured lubricant or something sweet tasting like chocolate sauce or jam. Do not use anything oil-based as it will break down the latex and make the condom ineffective.

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I nicked my penis while shaving my pubic hair, does it increase my chances of Sexually Transmitted Infection's(STI's)?
Yes, a nick on your penis can put you at a higher risk because it is an opening for bacteria and viruses to enter your bloodstream and cause an infection. By using a condom, you can protect yourself against Sexually Transmitted Infection's when having oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex.

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