Most people would say that a virgin is someone who has never had vaginal sex. But what if you did have vaginal sex but the male didn’t ejaculate? What if you have sex with someone of the same sex?

What if you get into anal sex, oral sex, fisting, or dildo penetration instead?

Does it mean you’re still a virgin?

There isn’t a simple answer to those questions. Peoples' ideas about sex are expanding, and so are their definitions of virginity.

In Heterosexual Relationships

Vaginal penetration is the most common definition of sex. It can be a big step, since it’s the sex act that can result in pregnancy. Some people remove the penis just before ejaculation (This is called the withdrawl method and is not the most successful kind of birth control.) In general, if you have vaginal sex, most people would say you lose your virginity, whether there is male ejaculation or not.

In Same-Sex Relationships

Whether you’re a virgin may not be so important, and having sex may mean different things. Understanding that you’re gay or bisexual may be a big step in itself. Deciding to start a same-sex relationship and to have sex could be a whole other challenge. The rest of this section still applies to you when deciding what to do with your partner – whether you think of it as losing your virginity or not.